As a longtime lover of mysteries, I read all sorts of mystery books, and I’m fascinated by the idea of “murder mystery” parties and such. Castle is one of my favorite TV shows. But I have to say that while I enjoy all these things, they also bother me on a certain level, too. Because in most popular fiction, and especially in television series, an important element is missing: the grieving families and friends.

We all walk among murderers every day. It’s true, because most murderers do not stay in prison for life, some murderers are not prosecuted until years after the crime, and some are never prosecuted at all.

I’m a private investigator as well as a mystery author, and I’ve had occasion to interview family members and friends of people that have perpetrated violent crimes, as well as those who have been victims of it. Any violent crime leaves a major gash in the fabric of normal life for a lot of people on both sides of the equation.

So when I read about a murder, I don’t automatically think, “Oh goody, a mystery to solve!” Instead, I wonder about the parents, siblings, and friends of the victim. I once met a woman who had been engaged three times, and each of her fiances had been murdered in three separate incidents. She wasn’t involved in gangs or drugs or any high-risk behaviors that I knew about. She understandably felt cursed and was afraid to get close to any man. When I read about the many spousal murders that happen nearly every day, I automatically think about the children–how does a child deal with the fact that Daddy killed Mommy?

I also wonder about the people who loved the murderer. Just like the victim, the perpetrator is someone’s child; someone’s brother or sister; someone’s friend; and maybe someone’s spouse or mother or father. Every murder leaves a hole in someone’s life.

Families of violent criminals deal with the situation in several different ways. Some absolutely refuse to believe that their loved one could commit such a heinous crime, and support the accused with no reservations. Some deny they ever had any relationship with the criminal, and do their best to erase that person from their life. To me, the most sorrowful of all are the ones that admit to the awful truth, but can’t help loving the criminal–how do you live with the knowledge that someone you love willfully killed another person?

It has to be very hard to push that aside and appreciate the beauty that still surrounds us every day. Or maybe the ugliness makes it easier to celebrate the good things? I’m lucky that I don’t have to deal with this dilemma, but thousands of people do every day.

Life is not a video game where the players come back to life after every episode. My experiences in real life make it impossible for me to make light of murder, even when I understand the motives behind it. So as well as the clever detective and the sometimes quirky situations, you will always find the grieving family and friends in my novels.