How to Defeat the Zombie Apocalypse

Lately it seems that no matter where I am—shopping in the grocery store, riding my bike through the local park, driving to the library—I find a mesmerized human blocking my path. Head bent over a cell phone, this person totally oblivious to other people, cars, wandering deer, fire engines, rampaging pit bulls—in short, anything that is happening in the real world flowing around the paralyzed victim. This is a cell phone zombie.

Yes, the zombie apocalypse is real. And it is spreading like wildfire. Don’t become a victim. Zombie cell phone disease can be cured if caught in its early stages. All one has to do is occasionally turn off the cell phone. In many cases, the brain can heal itself by experiencing—this includes seeing, hearing, smelling, touching—actual physical surroundings. Exercise helps as well.

View SE from Dock Butte

View SE from Dock Butte

A good example of a healing exercise is the hike I went on last Sunday. A group of us (some are no doubt recovering zombies) climbed to the top of Dock Butte, where we admired the beautiful 360-degree view of the North Cascades, felt the sunshine and breeze on our skin, and actually talked to each other.

Next, we walked to nearby Blue Lake. Two of us dipped our bare feet into the water. I am pleased to report that, after this reality experience, none in the group displayed signs of the zombie cell phone disease.

Experiencing Blue Lake

Experiencing Blue Lake

You don’t have to be a mountain hiker to rescue yourself or a loved one. Simply turn off the cell phone.

Go to a concert, take a dance class, have a beer with friends–whatever you used to consider enjoyable before the apocalypse struck. Make an effort to talk to people who are physically present.

You can save yourself. You can save your loved ones. Act now, while there is still time.

View of Mount Baker from Dock Butte

View of Mount Baker from Dock Butte


How to Defeat the Zombie Apocalypse — 4 Comments

    • Some Zombies are really far along, but with this simple cure it very well may be possible. I say to those: Try it, you’ll like it!!

  1. Especially those parents wheeling a stroller and completely ignoring its occupant while looking at a cell phone. Missing the “doggy” and everything else the little one is commenting on, alone in her stroller…

  2. Great post Pam! Ben and I recently enjoyed a week-long paddle in the Gulf Islands (where we had cell service nearly the entire time) and made a pact to ONLY check our cell phones halfway thru the adventure and at the very end when we were waiting for the ferry back. Turns out the world back home survived without us, not to mention it was sooooo liberating to be unplugged!

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